Agender – Does not identify as having a particular gender

Androgyne – An androgynous person

Aporagender – A non-binary identity. Umbrella term for a gender outside of the man or woman gender spectrum

Assigned Gender at Birth (AGAB) – Often refers to the gender and gender roles assigned to someone at the time of their birth. Mostly outdated term, only used for folks who refer to themselves in this way

Bigender – A gender identity of two or double gender

Binarism – A collection of harmful thoughts, actions, laws, etc. to promote the gender binary

Binary – either/or; black/white, yes/no

Binding – Using a compression device to make one’s chest flat

Body Dysphoria – The feeling that one’s body does not match their identity

Bottom Surgery – Gender affirming surgery on genitalia

Cis man – A man who identifies with the gender he was assigned at birth

Cis woman – A woman who identifies with the gender she was assigned at birth

Cisgender – Identifying with the gender one was assigned at birth

Cisnormativity – The assumption that everyone’s gender matches what they were assigned at birth

Cissexism – Prejudice or discrimination against transgender and nonbinary people

Closeted – Their identity is private

Coming Out – Sharing their identity with others

Demigender / Demigirl / Demiboy – Partially identifying with a particular gender

Designated Gender – Gender assigned to one at birth

Drag King – A woman who dresses and personifies a man for a performance

Drag Queen – A man who dresses and personifies a woman for a performance

Dyadic – Persons who are not intersex. People who fall on the binary of sex

Feminine-presenting – “Traditionally” feminine appearance

Femme / Fem – A feminine individual

Fluid(ity) – Identifying as two or more genders. Moving between genders

Gender Apathy – Not caring about gender, could say things like “call me whatever you want, I don’t care about gender”. Not identifying with or caring about gender

Gender Expression – Appearance associated with gender. Could include behaviors, mannerisms, interests

Genderfluid – Identifying as two or more genders. Moving between multiple genders

Gender Identity – Internal sense of one’s own identity

Gender Neutral – Suitable for any gender. Does not follow gender roles

Gender Non-Conforming (GNC) – Appearance, behaviors, identity that does not follow traditional gender roles and expectations

Gender Normative – Adhering to or reinforcing ideal standards of masculinity and femininity

Gender Presentation – How one looks, dresses, acts, etc. The way one presents their gender to the world

Gender Affirming Surgery – Surgery that makes one’s body match the way they identify

Gender Roles – Expected behaviors and interests based on one’s designated gender

Gender Variant – Behavior, interest, expression of an individual that does not match their gender

Genderfuck(ery) – Nonbinary term. Commonly used to self-describe androgynous individuals as well as folks outside the cisnormative narrative

Genderqueer – Does not fall in the binary; could be neither, both, or a variation of masculine and feminine identities

Greygender – Identifying (at least partially) outside of the gender binary.Has a strong ambivalence about their gender identity and/or expression

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – A form of hormone therapy used to regulate hormones, heighten hormone levels the body isn’t naturally producing. Commonly used for transgender folks and menopause

Intersex – Having genitals appearance that exist outside of the societal binary of a penis or vulva, and/or chromosomes outside of the XX/XY binary. Intersex is not a gender. We chose to include it here to acknowledge intersex folks being included in many of the pride flags.

Maverique – An identity that is the present feeling of a gender completely independent from male, female, neutral, etc.

Masculine-presenting – “Traditionally” masculine appearance

Neutrois – Neutral gender identity

Nonbinary – A spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine. Gender outside the binary

Novigender – Gender expression that is complicated in such a way that it is difficult or impossible to fit into one word or term

Outing – The act of disclosing and LGBTQIA+ person’s sexual orientation or gender identity

“Passing” – Being perceived as the gender one identifies with. This is based on traditional gender roles and expectations

Pronouns – The pronouns that should be used for an individual. he/him, she/her, they/them, xe/xer, ze/hir, etc. Neopronouns are valid pronouns!

Polygender – Experiencing multiple gender identities

Queer – Umbrella term and identity for non-cisgender/non-heterosexual folks

Sex – Male, female, intersex. Different than gender. This is assigned based on the appearance of a newborn’s genital configuration. Sex also involves chromosomes and internal reproductive organs.

Sex Assigned At Birth (SAAB) – What was assigned to a person after a doctor/doula/midwife looked between the newborn’s legs and declared their identity based on the appearance of their genitals

Social Dysphoria – Feeling uncomfortable being referred to as one’s birth sex

Stealth – “Passing” as their gender identity at all times, broken contact with everyone who knows their history

Third Gender – Identifying as neither man nor woman, but a but a separate gender entirely

Top Surgery – Gender affirming surgery performed on one’s chest

Trans Feminine / Transemme / Transfem – A transgender identity referring to behaviors and appearance associated with femininity

Trans man – A man who was assigned something else at birth

Trans Masculine / Transmasc – A transgender identity referring to behaviors and appearance associated with masculinity

Trans woman – A woman who was assigned something else at birth

Transerasure – The tendency to ignore, deny, and minimize the existence of transgender folks

Transgender – Identifying as something other than what one was assigned at birth

Transition(ing) – In the process of identifying with one’s gender identity

Transphobia – Prejudice or discrimination of transgender folks

Two-Spirit – Someone who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit. Common in indigenous culture

Ace Of Hearts – Alloromantic asexual

Ace Of Spades – Aromantic asexual

Ace Of Clubs – Grey-romantic asexual

Ace Of Diamonds – Demiromantic asexual

Akioromantic – Feelings of romantic attraction, but attraction fade when reciprocated

Akiosexual – Feelings of sexual attraction, but attraction fades when reciprocated

Alloromantic – A person who experiences romantic attraction

Allosexual – A person who experiences sexual attraction

Androsexual – Attracted to masculinity

Aromantic / Aro – Not having romantic attraction

Asexual / Ace – Not having sexual attraction

Autochoriasexual – Asexual folks who experience a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal. Sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lack the desire to participate in sexual activities

Bicurious – Heterosexuals who are curious about having same sex sexual experiences

Bierasure – The tendency to ignore, deny, and minimize the existence of bisexual folks

Biphobia – Prejudice or discrimination of bisexual folks

Biromantic – Romantic attraction to two or more genders

Bisexual – Sexual attraction to two or more genders

Cishet – Shorthand for cisgender heterosexuals

Closeted – Their identity is private

Coming Out – Sharing their identity with their loved ones

Cupioromantic – Does not experience romantic attraction, but desires romantic relationships

Cupiosexual – Does not experience sexual attraction, but desires sexual relationships

Cryptoromantic – A term for romantic orientation for folks that do not yet have term for in English vocabulary

Cryptosexual – A term for sexual orientation for folks that do not yet have term for in English vocabulary

Demiromantic – Not experiencing primary romantic attraction

Demisexual – Not experiencing primary sexual attraction

Down Low (DL) – Keeping an experience or relationship between the involved parties only

Diverse Sexuality and Gender (DSG) – An inclusive term for LGBTQ+, without labeling specifics

Fluid(ity) – Experiencing changes in one’s sexuality. Sexual attraction/orientation varies

Gay – A term for men, nonbinary, and transmasculine who are attracted to men. A term for folks who are attracted to others of the same gender. A term used by many non-hetero folks as a simplistic explanation

Grey Asexual / Grey Ace / GrAce – Spectrum between asexuality and sexuality

Gender & Sexuality Expansive (GSE) – An inclusive term for LGBTQ+, without labeling specifics

Gynesexual – Sexual attraction to femininity

Gynosexual – Sexual attraction to women

Heteroflexible – Mostly heterosexual, with occasional homosexual attraction

Heteronormative – The assumption that everyone will be attracted to the gender assigned at birth that does not match theirs; typically follows cisnormativity

Heteroromantic – Romantic attraction toward “opposite” gender

Heterosexism – Prejudice or descrimination against non-heterosexuals

Heterosexual – Sexual attraction toward the “opposite” sex

Homoflexible – Mostly homosexual, with occasional heterosexual attraction

Homophobia – Prejudice or descrimination of homosexual folks

Homoromantic – Romantic attraction to the same sex as oneself

Homosexual – Sexual attraction to the same sex as oneself

Lesbian – A term for women, nonbinary, or transfeminine person who are attracted to women. A term for folks who are attracted to others of the same gender.

LGBT / LGBTQ / LGBTQIAP2S+ – Specific abbreviations for the DSG (Diverse Sexuality and Gender) or the GSE (Gender & Sexuality Expansive). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, two-spirit, etc.

Lithromantic – Experiencing romantic attraction with no desire to have the feelings reciprocated or the desire to act on it

Lithsexual – Experiencing sexual attraction with no desire to have the feelings reciprocated or the desire to act on it

Monoromantic – Romantic attraction towards one gender only

Monosexual – Sexual attraction toward one gender only

Omniromantic – Romantic attraction regardless of their gender

Omnisexual – Sexual attraction regardless of their gender

Outing – The act of disclosing an LGBTQ+ person’s sexual orientation or gender identity

Panromantic – Romantic attraction in which gender does not play a role in the attraction

Pansexual – Sexual attraction in which gender does not play a role in the attraction

Perioriented – When one’s sexual and romantic orientations are aligned

Polyromantic – Romantic attraction toward many genders

Polysexual – Sexual attraction toward many genders

Pomoromantic- Denying, avoiding, or not fitting in any romantic orientation. Not the same as aromantic, panromantic, or biromantic

Pomosexual – Denying, avoiding, or not fitting in any sexual orientation. Not the same as asexual, pansexual, or bisexual

Queer People of Color (QPOC) – Exactly as the term suggests; folks who are both queer and People of Color

Queer and Trans People of Color (QTPOC) – Exactly as the term suggests; folks who are both queer, trans, and People of Color

Queer – Umbrella term and identity for non-cisgender/non-heterosexual folks

Questioning – Undecided, undeclared, unsure about one’s sexual orientation, sexual identity, gender, or all three

Skolioromantic – Romantic attraction to folks outside the gender binary

Skoliosexual – Sexual attraction to folks outside the gender binary

Straight – Heterosexual. Attraction toward a different gender than one’s own. Typically follows the gender binary

Varioriented – When one’s sexual and romantic orientations do not match

Aesthetic Attraction – Attraction based on appearance

Allonormativity – The assumption that everyone will be interested in sexual relationships

Alterous Attraction – Attraction that is neither platonic or romantic

Amatonormativity – The assumption that everyone will be interested in romantic relationships

Asexual Relationship – A relationship that is not sexual

Casual Sex - Sexual activity between two or more people who are not in an established relationship

Closed Swinging – Sexual activity outside of the relationship, but limited within a certain group

Co-Husband – Partner’s other husband

Co-Spouse – Partner’s other spouse

Co-Wife – Partner’s other wife

Cohabitate – Living together, not necessarily sharing a bed

Comet – A partner who is around occasionally

Compersion – Feelings of joy and excitement for your partner’s other relationship excitement

Constellation – Map of who is in a relationship with who, and how that is linked to oneself

Couple Privilege – The expectation that an established couple comes before other relationships and partners, no matter what

Cowboy/cowgirl/cowperson – A scapegoating and gaslighting term used to blame a monogamous person for the choice their non-monogamous partners makes to end other relationships in order to manage the feelings of the monogamous person.

Crushing – Having feelings of attraction toward another person

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) – Partners can do as they please, but do not tell each other unless specifically asked about. Often used as a way to keep a relationship when one party wants nonmonogamy, and another does not

Datemate – A person one goes on dates with, without a relationship being established

DTR – Define the relationship

Dom/sub – A consensual, negotiated relationship in which one person has a dominant role and the other has a submissive role

Domestic Group – A group of people who live together and practice joint control over the household and group property. This is not exclusive to being related by birth or marriage

Dyad – A relationship between two individuals

Egalitarian – A polyamorous relationship in which no partner has priority

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) – A consensual agreement to have other relationships; romantic, sexual, etc.

Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) – Anxiety that there is something exciting or interesting that may happen without you. Anxiety that others will have fun that you aren’t invited to participate in

Free Agent – A person who practices polyamory in a way that separates or isolates their relationships from each other, treating them as separate entities. Behaves as “single”, and never discusses other relationships with partners

Fuck Buddies – Two people who only have a sexual relationship

Friends With Benefits (FWB) – Friends who also have a sexual relationship

Hierarchy – The polyamorous practice that places one relationship or partner as a priority or more important than others

“Just Dating” – Undefined relationship but acknowledges going on dates together

Key Party – A party in which a group of married couples show up together, and the husbands place their keys in a bowl. The wives blindly pick a set of keys, and that is the man they go home with, with the expectation the two with engage in sexual activity

Kitchen Table Polyamory – Polycules where everyone would be comfortable sitting around the dining table together

Life Partner – A partner who is regarded as a permanent relationship

LDR – Long Distance Relationship

LTR – Long-Term Relationship

Metamour – Partner’s other partner

Mono / Poly – One partner is monogamous, while the other partner is polyamorous

Monoamory – The interest or act of dating one person at a time

Monogamish – Mostly monogamous relationship, with occasional exceptions

Monogamy – The practice of having one romantic and sexual partner at a time

Most Significant Other (MSO) – Placing one partner as more important that others

N – A polyamorous relationship formation, each point symbolizes a relationship

Nesting Partner – The partner one shares a “nest” with

No Romo – Shorthand for no romance. Preference of platonic relationships only

Non-Hierarchical – Practicing polyamory, without placing one partner above others

New Relationship Energy (NRE) – The excitement and giddy feelings that come with the development of a new relationship

Open Marriage – An umbrella term for ENM marriages

Open Network – A polycule that is open to new relationships

Open Relationship – An umbrella term for ENM relationships

Open Swinging – Having open sexual experiences outside of a relationship

One Penis Policy (OPP) – A rule that a woman in a nonmonogamous relationship is only allowed to have sex with one penis

Old Relationship Energy (ORE) – The feelings of comfort and commitment that comes in an LTR

Other Significant Other (OSO) – A partner’s other partner

Parallel Polyamory – The practice of polyamory in which the metamours never met or interact

Paramour – One’s partner

Partner – Someone one is in a relationship with. Gender and relationship neutral

Partner Swapping / Wife Swapping – Having sexual encounters after trading partners

Pivot / Hinge – The person in a polyamorous relationship with two or more partners.

Platonic Attraction – Desire to have a friendship with someone

Platonic Relationship – A non-sexual, non-romantic relationship

Polyamory – The act of consensually having multiple partners at the same time

Polyandry – Having multiple husbands

Polycule – Map of who is in a relationship with who, and how that is linked to oneself

Polyfi / Polyfidelity – A closed polycule

Polygamy – Having more than one spouse. Gender neutral or umbrella term for polygyny and polyandry

Polygyny – Having more than one wife

Polysaturated – Reaching the ideal amount of partners

Polywog – The children within a polycule

POP – Partner’s Other Partner

Primary Partner – Partner in a hierarchy polyamorous relationship

Queer Platonic Partner (QPP) – A spectrum between “just” friends and a romantic partner

Queer Platonic Relationship (QPR) – A spectrum between a friendship and a romantic relationship

Quad – Four person relationship

Relationship Anarchy – A form of non-hierarchical polyamory, in which no relationship; partner, friend, child, etc. is viewed as better, worse, or a default priority. The priority comes as a situation of needs

Relationship Escalator – The societal ideals of how relationships develop

Satellite Partner – A partner one sees at regular intervals, often once a year

Scarcity vs. Abundance Model – Scarcity = using up the love and space in one’s heart. Abundance = having and making space for everyone who is important in one’s life

Secondary Partner – A partner who is not priority, in a hierarchical model

Sensual Attraction – Desire for tactile interactions that are non-sexual

Serial Monogamy – Having one monogamous relationship after the other

Significant Other (SO) – A partner

Soft Swinger – A form of swinging that restricts PIV intercourse

Solo Poly – A polyamorous person who plays the “free agent” role, may want minimal commitment

Spice – Plural of spouse

Squish – A platonic attraction toward another

Swolly – One who identifies as both a swinger and polyamorous

Tertiary Partner – Another term for secondary partner

TOCOTOX – Too Complicated to Explain

Triad – A relationship of three people

Tribe – Polyamorous family; polycule, friends, etc.

Throuple – A “couple” made of three people

Unicorn Hunting – The act of seeking a bisexual woman to fit the needs of an established couple (different from an organic triad)

V/Vee – A polyamorous relationship formation, one person dating two people

Veto – The act of controlling or eliminating someone else’s relationship

Veto-Power – Having the power to eliminate another person’s relationship

Wibble – A temporary feeling of insecurity, often when one’s partner starts a new relationship, or when meeting a metamour for the first time

Zucchini – A queer platonic partner. There are many variations and different fruits and vegetables used in place