This list is expansive, but not complete. We'll keep working to update this list as language continues to evolve.
We work to remove outdated vocabulary from our mouths and brains. If you don't see a term here, it is either not added yet, or has been erased for being problematic. If there is a term you find problematic, AND you are a part of the community, please feel free to contact us to inform us of the term or definition that is problematic. We will do further work to educate ourselves, thank you!Agender – Does not identify as having a particular gender
Androgyne – An androgynous person
Aporagender – A non-binary identity. Umbrella term for a gender outside of the man or woman gender spectrum
Assigned Gender at Birth (AGAB) – Often refers to the gender and gender roles assigned to someone at the time of their birth. Mostly outdated term, only used for folks who refer to themselves in this way
Bigender – A gender identity of two or double gender
Binarism – A collection of harmful thoughts, actions, laws, etc. to promote the gender binary
Binary – either/or; black/white, yes/no
Binding – Using a compression device to make one’s chest flat
Body Dysphoria – The feeling that one’s body does not match their identity
Bottom Surgery – Gender affirming surgery on genitalia
Cisman – A man who identifies with the gender he was assigned at birth
Ciswoman – A woman who identifies with the gender she was assigned at birth
Cisgender – Identifying with the gender one was assigned at birth
Cisnormativity – The assumption that everyone’s gender matches what they were assigned at birth
Cissexism – Prejudice or discrimination against transgender and nonbinary people
Closeted – Their identity is private
Coming Out – Sharing their identity with others
Demigender / Demigirl / Demiboy – Partially identifying with a particular gender
Designated Gender – Gender assigned to one at birth
Drag King – A woman who dresses and personifies a man for a performance
Drag Queen – A man who dresses and personifies a woman for a performance
Dyadic – Persons who are not intersex. People who fall on the binary of sex
Feminine-presenting – “Traditionally” feminine appearance
Femme / Fem – A feminine individual
Fluid(ity) – Identifying as two or more genders. Moving between genders
Gender Apathy – Not caring about gender, could say things like “call me whatever you want, I don’t care about gender”. Not identifying with or caring about gender
Gender Expression – Appearance associated with gender. Could include behaviors, mannerisms, interests
Genderfluid – Identifying as two or more genders. Moving between multiple genders
Gender Identity – Internal sense of one’s own identity
Gender Neutral – Suitable for any gender. Does not follow gender roles
Gender Non-Conforming (GNC) – Appearance, behaviors, identity that does not follow traditional gender roles and expectations
Gender Normative – Adhering to or reinforcing ideal standards of masculinity and femininity
Gender Presentation – How one looks, dresses, acts, etc. The way one presents their gender to the world
Gender Affirming Surgery – Surgery that makes one’s body match the way they identify
Gender Roles – Expected behaviors and interests based on one’s designated gender
Gender Variant – Behavior, interest, expression of an individual that does not match their gender
Genderfuck(ery) – Nonbinary term. Commonly used to self-describe androgynous individuals as well as folks outside the cisnormative narrative
Genderqueer – Does not fall in the binary; could be neither, both, or a variation of masculine and feminine identities
Greygender – Identifying (at least partially) outside of the gender binary.Has a strong ambivalence about their gender identity and/or expression
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) – A form of hormone therapy used to regulate hormones, heighten hormone levels the body isn’t naturally producing. Commonly used for transgender folks and menopause
Intersex – Having genitals appearance that exist outside of the societal binary of a penis or vulva, and/or chromosomes outside of the XX/XY binary. Intersex is not a gender. We chose to include it here to acknowledge intersex folks being included in many of the pride flags.
Maverique – An identity that is the present feeling of a gender completely independent from male, female, neutral, etc.
Masculine-presenting – “Traditionally” masculine appearance
Neutrois – Neutral gender identity
Nonbinary – A spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine. Gender outside the binary
Novigender – Gender expression that is complicated in such a way that it is difficult or impossible to fit into one word or term
Outing – The act of disclosing and LGBTQIA+ person’s sexual orientation or gender identity
“Passing” – Being perceived as the gender one identifies with. This is based on traditional gender roles and expectations
Pronouns – The pronouns that should be used for an individual. he/him, she/her, they/them, xe/xer, ze/hir, etc. Neopronouns are valid pronouns!
Polygender – Experiencing multiple gender identities
Queer – Umbrella term and identity for non-cisgender/non-heterosexual folks
Sex – Male, female, intersex. Different than gender. This is assigned based on the appearance of a newborn’s genital configuration. Sex also involves chromosomes and internal reproductive organs.
Sex Assigned At Birth (SAAB) – What was assigned to a person after a doctor/doula/midwife looked between the newborn’s legs and declared their identity based on the appearance of their genitals
Social Dysphoria – Feeling uncomfortable being referred to as one’s birth sex
Stealth – “Passing” as their gender identity at all times, broken contact with everyone who knows their history
Third Gender – Identifying as neither man nor woman, but a but a separate gender entirely
Top Surgery – Gender affirming surgery performed on one’s chest
Trans Feminine / Transemme / Transfem – A transgender identity referring to behaviors and appearance associated with femininity
Transman – A man who was assigned something else at birth
Trans Masculine / Transmasc – A transgender identity referring to behaviors and appearance associated with masculinity
Transwoman – A woman who was assigned something else at birth
Transerasure – The tendency to ignore, deny, and minimize the existence of transgender folks
Transgender – Identifying as something other than what one was assigned at birth
Transition(ing) – In the process of identifying with one’s gender identity
Transphobia – Prejudice or discrimination of transgender folks
Two-Spirit – Someone who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit. This gender is found in indigenous culture
Ace Of Hearts – Alloromantic asexual
Ace Of Spades – Aromantic asexual
Ace Of Clubs – Grey-romantic asexual
Ace Of Diamonds – Demiromantic asexual
Akioromantic – Feelings of romantic attraction, but attraction fade when reciprocated
Akiosexual – Feelings of sexual attraction, but attraction fades when reciprocated
Alloromantic – A person who experiences romantic attraction
Allosexual – A person who experiences sexual attraction
Androsexual – Attracted to masculinity
Aromantic / Aro – Not having romantic attraction
Asexual / Ace – Not having sexual attraction
Autochoriasexual – Asexual folks who experience a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal. Sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lack the desire to participate in sexual activities
Bicurious – Heterosexuals who are curious about having same sex sexual experiences
Bierasure – The tendency to ignore, deny, and minimize the existence of bisexual folks
Biphobia – Prejudice or discrimination of bisexual folks
Biromantic – Romantic attraction to two or more genders
Bisexual – Sexual attraction to two or more genders
Cishet – Shorthand for cisgender heterosexuals
Closeted – Their identity is private
Coming Out – Sharing their identity with their loved ones
Cupioromantic – Does not experience romantic attraction, but desires romantic relationships
Cupiosexual – Does not experience sexual attraction, but desires sexual relationships
Cryptoromantic – A term for romantic orientation for folks that do not yet have term for in English vocabulary
Cryptosexual – A term for sexual orientation for folks that do not yet have term for in English vocabulary
Demiromantic – Not experiencing primary romantic attraction
Demisexual – Not experiencing primary sexual attraction
Down Low (DL) – Keeping an experience or relationship between the involved parties only
Diverse Sexuality and Gender (DSG) – An inclusive term for LGBTQ+, without labeling specifics
Fluid(ity) – Experiencing changes in one’s sexuality. Sexual attraction/orientation varies
Gay – A term for men, nonbinary, and transmasculine who are attracted to men. A term for folks who are attracted to others of the same gender. A term used by many non-hetero folks as a simplistic explanation
Grey Asexual / Grey Ace / GrAce – Spectrum between asexuality and sexuality
Gender & Sexuality Expansive (GSE) – An inclusive term for LGBTQ+, without labeling specifics
Gynesexual – Sexual attraction to femininity
Gynosexual – Sexual attraction to women
Heteroflexible – Mostly heterosexual, with occasional homosexual attraction
Heteronormative – The assumption that everyone will be attracted to the gender assigned at birth that does not match theirs; typically follows cisnormativity
Heteroromantic – Romantic attraction toward “opposite” gender
Heterosexism – Prejudice or descrimination against non-heterosexuals
Heterosexual – Sexual attraction toward the “opposite” sex
Homoflexible – Mostly homosexual, with occasional heterosexual attraction
Homophobia – Prejudice or descrimination of homosexual folks
Homoromantic – Romantic attraction to the same sex as oneself
Homosexual – Sexual attraction to the same sex as oneself
Lesbian – A term for women, nonbinary, or transfeminine person who are attracted to women. A term for folks who are attracted to others of the same gender.
LGBT / LGBTQ / LGBTQIAP2S+ – Specific abbreviations for the DSG (Diverse Sexuality and Gender) or the GSE (Gender & Sexuality Expansive). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, two-spirit, etc.
Lithromantic – Experiencing romantic attraction with no desire to have the feelings reciprocated or the desire to act on it
Lithsexual – Experiencing sexual attraction with no desire to have the feelings reciprocated or the desire to act on it
Monoromantic – Romantic attraction towards one gender only
Monosexual – Sexual attraction toward one gender only
Omniromantic – Romantic attraction regardless of their gender
Omnisexual – Sexual attraction regardless of their gender
Outing – The act of disclosing an LGBTQ+ person’s sexual orientation or gender identity
Panromantic – Romantic attraction in which gender does not play a role in the attraction
Pansexual – Sexual attraction in which gender does not play a role in the attraction
Perioriented – When one’s sexual and romantic orientations are aligned
Polyromantic – Romantic attraction toward many genders
Polysexual – Sexual attraction toward many genders
Pomoromantic- Denying, avoiding, or not fitting in any romantic orientation. Not the same as aromantic, panromantic, or biromantic
Pomosexual – Denying, avoiding, or not fitting in any sexual orientation. Not the same as asexual, pansexual, or bisexual
Queer People of Color (QPOC) – Exactly as the term suggests; folks who are both queer and People of Color
Queer and Trans People of Color (QTPOC) – Exactly as the term suggests; folks who are both queer, trans, and People of Color
Queer – Umbrella term and identity for non-cisgender/non-heterosexual folks
Questioning – Undecided, undeclared, unsure about one’s sexual orientation, sexual identity, gender, or all three
Skolioromantic – Romantic attraction to folks outside the gender binary
Skoliosexual – Sexual attraction to folks outside the gender binary
Straight – Heterosexual. Attraction toward a different gender than one’s own. Typically follows the gender binary
Varioriented – When one's sexual and romantic orientations do not match
Aesthetic Attraction – Attraction based on appearance
Allonormativity – The assumption that everyone will be interested in sexual relationships
Alterous Attraction – Attraction that is neither platonic or romantic
Amatonormativity – The assumption that everyone will be interested in romantic relationships
Asexual Relationship – A relationship that is not sexual
Casual Sex - Sexual activity between two or more people who are not in an established relationship
Closed Swinging – Sexual activity outside of the relationship, but limited within a certain group
Co-Husband – Partner’s other husband
Co-Spouse – Partner’s other spouse
Co-Wife – Partner’s other wife
Cohabitate – Living together, not necessarily sharing a bed
Comet – A partner who is around occasionally
Compersion – Feelings of joy and excitement for your partner’s other relationship excitement
Constellation – Map of who is in a relationship with who, and how that is linked to oneself
Couple Privilege – The expectation that an established couple comes before other relationships and partners, no matter what
Cowboy/cowgirl/cowperson – A scapegoating and gaslighting term used to blame a monogamous person for the choice their non-monogamous partners makes to end other relationships in order to manage the feelings of the monogamous person.
Crushing – Having feelings of attraction toward another person
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) – Partners can do as they please, but do not tell each other unless specifically asked about. Often used as a way to keep a relationship when one party wants nonmonogamy, and another does not
Datemate – A person one goes on dates with, without a relationship being established
DTR – Define the relationship
Dom/sub – A consensual, negotiated relationship in which one person has a dominant role and the other has a submissive role
Domestic Group – A group of people who live together and practice joint control over the household and group property. This is not exclusive to being related by birth or marriage
Dyad – A relationship between two individuals
Egalitarian – A polyamorous relationship in which no partner has priority
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) – A consensual agreement to have other relationships; romantic, sexual, etc.
Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) – Anxiety that there is something exciting or interesting that may happen without you. Anxiety that others will have fun that you aren’t invited to participate in
Free Agent – A person who practices polyamory in a way that separates or isolates their relationships from each other, treating them as separate entities. Behaves as “single”, and never discusses other relationships with partners
Fuck Buddies – Two people who only have a sexual relationship
Friends With Benefits (FWB) – Friends who also have a sexual relationship
Hierarchy – The polyamorous practice that places one relationship or partner as a priority or more important than others
“Just Dating” – Undefined relationship but acknowledges going on dates together
Key Party – A party in which a group of married couples show up together, and the husbands place their keys in a bowl. The wives blindly pick a set of keys, and that is the man they go home with, with the expectation the two with engage in sexual activity
Kitchen Table Polyamory – Polycules where everyone would be comfortable sitting around the dining table together
Life Partner – A partner who is regarded as a permanent relationship
LDR – Long Distance Relationship
LTR – Long-Term Relationship
Metamour – Partner’s other partner
Mono / Poly – One partner is monogamous, while the other partner is polyamorous
Monoamory – The interest or act of dating one person at a time
Monogamish – Mostly monogamous relationship, with occasional exceptions
Monogamy – The practice of having one romantic and sexual partner at a time
Most Significant Other (MSO) – Placing one partner as more important that others
N – A polyamorous relationship formation, each point symbolizes a relationship
Nesting Partner – The partner one shares a “nest” with
No Romo – Shorthand for no romance. Preference of platonic relationships only
Non-Hierarchical – Practicing polyamory, without placing one partner above others
New Relationship Energy (NRE) – The excitement and giddy feelings that come with the development of a new relationship
Open Marriage – An umbrella term for ENM marriages
Open Network – A polycule that is open to new relationships
Open Relationship – An umbrella term for ENM relationships
Open Swinging – Having open sexual experiences outside of a relationship
One Penis Policy (OPP) – A rule that a woman in a nonmonogamous relationship is only allowed to have sex with one penis
Old Relationship Energy (ORE) – The feelings of comfort and commitment that comes in an LTR
Other Significant Other (OSO) – A partner’s other partner
Parallel Polyamory – The practice of polyamory in which the metamours never met or interact
Paramour – One’s partner
Partner – Someone one is in a relationship with. Gender and relationship neutral
Partner Swapping / Wife Swapping – Having sexual encounters after trading partners
Pivot / Hinge – The person in a polyamorous relationship with two or more partners.
Platonic Attraction – Desire to have a friendship with someone
Platonic Relationship – A non-sexual, non-romantic relationship
Polyamory – The act of consensually having multiple partners at the same time
Polyandry – Having multiple husbands
Polycule – Map of who is in a relationship with who, and how that is linked to oneself
Polyfi / Polyfidelity – A closed polycule
Polygamy – Having more than one spouse. Gender neutral or umbrella term for polygyny and polyandry
Polygyny – Having more than one wife
Polysaturated – Reaching the ideal amount of partners
Polywog – The children within a polycule
POP – Partner’s Other Partner
Primary Partner – Partner in a hierarchy polyamorous relationship
Queer Platonic Partner (QPP) – A spectrum between “just” friends and a romantic partner
Queer Platonic Relationship (QPR) – A spectrum between a friendship and a romantic relationship
Quad – Four person relationship
Relationship Anarchy – A form of non-hierarchical polyamory, in which no relationship; partner, friend, child, etc. is viewed as better, worse, or a default priority. The priority comes as a situation of needs
Relationship Escalator – The societal ideals of how relationships develop
Satellite Partner – A partner one sees at regular intervals, often once a year
Scarcity vs. Abundance Model – Scarcity = using up the love and space in one’s heart. Abundance = having and making space for everyone who is important in one’s life
Secondary Partner – A partner who is not priority, in a hierarchical model
Sensual Attraction – Desire for tactile interactions that are non-sexual
Serial Monogamy – Having one monogamous relationship after the other
Significant Other (SO) – A partner
Soft Swinger – A form of swinging that restricts PIV intercourse
Solo Poly – A polyamorous person who plays the “free agent” role, may want minimal commitment
Spice – Plural of spouse
Squish – A platonic attraction toward another
Swolly – One who identifies as both a swinger and polyamorous
Tertiary Partner – Another term for secondary partner
TOCOTOX – Too Complicated to Explain
Triad – A relationship of three people
Tribe – Polyamorous family; polycule, friends, etc.
Throuple – A “couple” made of three people
Unicorn Hunting – The act of seeking a bisexual woman to fit the needs of an established couple (different from an organic triad)
V/Vee – A polyamorous relationship formation, one person dating two people
Veto – The act of controlling or eliminating someone else’s relationship
Veto-Power – Having the power to eliminate another person’s relationship
Wibble – A temporary feeling of insecurity, often when one’s partner starts a new relationship, or when meeting a metamour for the first time
Zucchini – A queer platonic partner. There are many variations and different fruits and vegetables used in place